jour. nal.

7/19/23

holy moly. ok so basically from june 24th to july 15th i was at a music camp in michigan and i did NOT have the ability to use google sites so yea i wasnt able to diary that entire time hnahahha anyways im gonna skip over june 10th to june 23th because theres not tooo much interesting to say aside from the fact that i released a video which im proud of, think its one of my best, and performed well, so yeah! anyways so the airplanes over there, i had to wake up at 5:30 because my plane left at 7:00 (airport is pretty small so u can hedge on that little of time). i got to my gate right about when boarding started and was in a normal economy seat. then flew from denver after 2hours, another pretty standard flight, i almost felt like passing out while at denver, but got to my destination. the baggage claim was completely ass and it took forever and it took a while for us to be cheuffered to the music camp but by the time we were there it was like 5:30. check out the cabin, get my shit set up there, and then i freaked out for a few hours cuz of how ass it all was. if youre expecting this ultra long dissertation of my entire 3 weeks at this camp, im sorry to say, but it was so mundane that im mostly just gonna talk generals, talking about the daily schedule in chronoligcal order. ok so youre suppposed to go to bed at 1030 or stop talking completely at 11 at the latest but that was not the case cuz everyone else just kept talking and that made it kinda hard to sleeep, alongside the inconsistent temperatures, and the small beds. ur woken up at 6:40, which is fine, then have to be at line up a few minutes later, which seemed a bit rushed for most people, but i wore my uniform for the next day during sleep so i was gucci. then the counsellors just teell u announcements or get mad at u for a few minutes, then you return to the cabin. 1/3 days youre gonna have a chore to do to clean up the cabin so you just gotta do that chore before u got to breakfast but the other times you just gotta make ur bed and go. the chores werent that bad. breakfast usually dont have any line and the food is decent. usually for breakfast theres few ooptions but its better for lunch and dinner . you eat and then have around an hour and a half before ur first class. i usually chilled in this lobby area when i wasnt doing anything , which was kinda nice. they also had this coffee machine which was the only free non-water drink outsdie of eating tmies so that was big. first class is practicing for an hour. the songs were ez so i didnt do myuch. then rehearsal for 2 hours.. the fuckin peop[le  in this rehearsal got on my nerves so much, one of the vocalists was bitchy and bossy and 2/3 of the guitars wouldnt stop fuckin messing around on their instrument no matter what. then theres lunch, and the line is usually a few minutes long but not bad at all and the food is better than breakfast usually. again, hour and half till next class. next class they just talk announcewments about your program and then do some fuck off thing. very boring. then theres sectionals where its just a class with your instrument. our teacher was a nice guy but wow was his class boring, it was mostly just looking at people's synth rigs like i do not care. then you have dinner in an hour. line can be very long but i was an early bird. dinner was usually decent. then rarely youll have a mandatory performance to attend but usually you dont so you have to be back at the cabin by 930 pm. theres recreational activities but i didnt go to a single one cuz idc. notable things: we had a few mandatory attendances for concerts that were really boring and really loud and the rehearsals were loud.. didnt like the people there and i had a weird stalker guy. my portable charger got stolen midway through. the showers were shit and the beds were shit. anyways on on the last day we all got in a bus going to the airport. it took quite a while to get in the bus, and then when we got there, the bag check lines were pretty long but once youre past that its pretty easy going. had to wait for like 2 hours in this small ass airport and that was poop. flew over to ohare airport on a decent flight and got some nuts and clark there and that was nice but my fligiht to denver got delayed to the point id miss my flight back so i rerouted to houston and the flight there was pretty good and houston is definitely better than denver. then i immediately got on flight back home and it was an ok flight but it was short and yeah i was back home finally the baggage claim took a damn long tinme but thats ok so yeah thats what ive been up to, the past few days since returning not much has happened but 2 days ago i got my braces tightened and i got a chain on them to close this gap between my 2 front teeth

6/9/23

so 2 days ago (june 7th, 2023) i focused only on video stuff and NO gaming. problem is i woke up like so late lol idk what the fuck has been up with that  ireally just gotta get outta bed the moment the alarm go off. anyways so that was good, i got a video up for my geometry dash channel, i caught up on some stuff that i have been slacking on for like a few weeks and finally got that finished, and i worked more on a main channel video. the day after i just focused on gaming, and i got 90% on a prettyyyyy hard level in geometry djash and beat some other levels too of coursze. the PLAN today was to finish the level i got 90% on and then work on videos, but wow did that not happen. what instead happened was i got super duper shmuper unlucky, getting 92% pretty early on, but strugglin with this godforsaken level for the rest of the day. it really was not fun but ya know, i did eventually beat it, and i never have to play it again, so change of plans, now tomorrow im just gonna work on videos. anyways yea thats how today went. i aslo had a burger for dinner and it was pretty good. the cheese was different than usually but in a good way and imo the cheese is kinda what makes or breaks a burger. like sure, yo ucan have a good patty, good other ingredientzs, perfectly grilled onions, thinly cut tomatoes that are neither too small or too big, firm and hearty buns, but literally NONE of that matters if you ahve cheese that is mid as fuck and throws off the taste of the rest of the burger. because lemme tell you, cheese is a pretty strong food that often takes priority over the other foods involved within a dish, so you better make sure that shit is good. uhhh yeah i hope you agree anyways bye!! see you again tomorrow, hopefully? if not itll just be in a few days lolol

6/5/23

technically the last day of my vacation but it doesnt even really count at all lol. we woke up, drove over to the airport, and uhhh yeah very standard airport stuff yet again. just went through security, got to the gate, boarded, and this time, i mostly just slept on the ride (even though i wasnt tired lol). for some reason, one of the flight attendants gave us free food that you normally have to order and pay money for, so that was cool! it wasnt great or anything but it was pretty decent, although yet again my food got fucked up! there was supposed to be chocolate but there was none in mine! blobfish got chocolate though. literally so unfair. no problems with the trip though, and so we landed, got off, and i returned home. also nothing interesting to say about the rest of this day otherwise, i had some spaghetti which was pretty yum yum but thats about it. it was nice to call my boyfriend again though after not being able to for the whole vacation :3 anyways yea, hoppe you enjoyed the past  3 entries, now its gonna go back to only entries sometimes lol sorry. ill try to be more consistnet. overall, fun trip, but im also glad im home.

6/4/23

so going into this trip, i was expecting today to be the busy day, and yesterday to be the slow day. well, as i described yesterday, the previous day was very chaotic, and today was quite a lot less busy than i expected, so that flipped. however, thats certainly nott to say today was bad. ok so getting to the point, where we went today is the whole reason we came here. you see, in early 2020, i discovered that this sanctuary in washington (its in between seattle and portland its like a 2 hour drive away from both) called wolf haven internationl is where the wolf from the watermelon wolf image came from. also around that time i discovered that his name was bono (born as ichiban), and he died in 2014 due to nasal cancer. so all the way back in 2020, i wanted to visit this sanctuary. we were just about to visit back then in june, but then, march rolled around, and covid ruined all of that. in 2021, covid was still an issue, so it couldnt happen then either. in 2022, it simply left both me and my moms mind, so it was planned at all. but this year, it finally happened. so today we (and by we this time i mean me, blobfish, and my mom) woke up and went to the rental car garage, and started driving up to the sanctuary. it was about a 2 hour drive, so we didnt really do much during that time, i was just on my phone doing whatever. anyways, we get there, and its a pretty nice place. we have some time before the tour, so i checked out the cemetary they have right outside of the actual area with the wolves, and of course, i instantly looked for bono's grave, and gave my respects. RIP. the tour then started, and we actually got really really lucky. somehow, we got to see literally every wolf in the sanctuary, as they were all out and about, which is very unusual for wolf sanctuaries. they had 3 different kinds of wolves: gray wolves, mexican wolves, and red wolves. they told us about each specific wolf they had of course, but also talked about the importance of wolf sanctuaries in general, and the status of wolves in the wild, especially the mexican and red wolves. i was shocked to hear that before a few decades ago when work was put in to up their population numbers, there were only 14 red wolves and 7 mexican wolves in the wild, which is just crazy. luckily, now those numbers are in the low hundreds (still a lot lower than a few centuries ago but better than nothing), and theres increased efforts to raise them. the wolves, of course, were quite cute and majestic. even better, one of the gray wolves started howling, and then that triggered like half of the wolves in the sanctuary to howl, which included the red wolves they had. the red wolves had a very funny howl, im glad i got to hear it. it was like low pitched but it sounded like they had voice cracks in their howls lol. anyways, it was a nice trip, glad that i got to see the sanctuary. we then drove back, and i mostly just slept on the way back lol even though i wasnt tired. then, when we got back to the hotel, we stayed there for a bit before me and blobfish went out to shake shack for dinner. we dont have those where im from so it was pretty sweet. they messed up our order  a bit (i asked for sprinkles on my shake which they didnt add and they forget my order of fries) but it was still good (though im pretty sure it gave me a few minor stomach problems later in the day). we went back to the hotel, and just faffed around, and put on a channel that played the office. eventually it got to 12 am, and for no reason at all aside from the fact i could, i just went out of the room, down to the entrance room, took this wine bottle with me that had ice in it, and just constantly drank from this water cooler. it was pretty surreal being in what was a completely empty hotel entrance room at 12 am. i stayed there for like 30 minutes, went back up into the room and slept on the floor because i felt like it lol. for some reason, blobfish wanted to really hastle me about this, and so he got on the floor, and tried to wrestle out the one blanket i had lol. but i kept it in the end. pretty good day, tomorrow, i am returning home!

6/3/23

so today was A LOT but in a good way. we had absolutely no plans for today (except to have dinner at this sushi place very close to the hotel, but you didnt even need a reservation so we could really go whenever), so me and blobfish just went off on our own and just legit started walkin around. for a few hours in the morning, we kinda just wanted to get a feel for the area we were in (downtown Portland), and I think we did that pretty decently. we walked out mostly eastwards because we eventually wanted to cross the Columbia River (which splits Portland in two) to check out the East side later. it was pretty nice, just as walking around the first night was, but i honestly enjoyed it even more. before i continue though, i do wanna address the elephant in the room, that being homelessness. like seemingly most cities in the US these days, there's quite a lot of homeless people. the difference is that in Portland there's less legal restrictions placed on them (although encampments still get busted by police and such), so they're more obvious than in some other places. honestly, i dont really care, they dont disturb me and i honestly just feel for them more than anything cuz they were almost certainly put into their situation due to economic shit that i do not have the time or effort to rant about in this entry right now. there's a lot of fearmongering about them, especially in relation to portland (and really any city in a liberal/democrat state) but i wouldnt listen to all that because theyre just like everyone else, and theyre not gonna hurt you because they have no reason to. anyways, we walked to the columbia river through old chinatown, which was cool to see the china-inspired architecture. it also had a very cool entrance with a large chinese-style arch, which i liked. we saw that there was a little market that was setup, and we checked it out, but didnt buy anything from it... yet. we checked out this part next to the columbia river, which was very nice, and the river was nice too holy. i come from the dry ass southwest and there is a notable river in my city but it acts basically as just water for farmers and isnt central to the city at all, and its also not very big, so seeing this LARGE ass river that was so central to the city was very cool. then, me and blob got tickets for the city's public transport system for the day, and crossed the river on a train. the trains in portland are pretty good id say, definitely recommend. we got to the east side and i immediately noticed a difference. this may not be fully accurate as i obviously havent been to every last bit of portland, but from what we saw, the east side seems to be a lot less populated than the west. it seems to be more of a business/events area? i could be wrong but thats how it seemed. we first checked out the moda center which is apparently where some NBA team plays, idfk i dont watch sports, and there was no people so itt was kinda surreal. it was nice though, just walking through this pretty events center with no one around, we trekked through the east side a bit more just looking around, but blobfish was really hungry, tired, and thirsty, so we stopped at some chain restaurant called burgerville for a bit (i didnt get anything). we walked around a bit more, and i can definitely say, from a tourist perspective, i certainly like the west side a lot more cuz it feels like theres actual life there, but the east side of the city isnt bad. we then walked over to the oregon convention center just to get a peak at the two tall glass structures on top of it, and then continued south on the east side a bit more. we saw a cool few views, but eventually decided to go back. we couldnt find a good public transport spot, so we went over a bridge on foot, which was pretty perilous. the sidewalk was very small on this bridge, and at points, it was closed off, so we ILEGALLY jumped over the closed off parts to get back. i know, devious. also, at one point, it got very shaky, and that scared me quite a bit tbh. we eventually got back and decided to stay at the hotel for a bit before going back out again. by this point, theres some more things i wanna point out. firstly, walking around in portland is SO much nicer than it is where im from, which is your average car-infested american city (not very nice for pedestrians). now, of course, portland isnt as pedestrian friendly as a lot of places in europe, but due to its smaller size and being less crowded, i honestly enjoyed walking around more than i did when i went to europe. also, its a very liberal city, and since its june its also pride month, which up until now ive never really liked and didnt get the point of, but just being in portland, i honestly get it. being in a place where you actually see pride stuff and dont experience it exclusively through a few internet discussions changes things so much, and it honestly just made me quite happy and, yeah, proud of being a boykisser lol.  and the last thing, today when we went there was something called the starlight parade. i dont know how big of a thing this is (it seems like its pretty major) or how often this happens, but we just happened to catch it. ill get back to that parade later. anyways, we went back out, and returned to the little market i mentioned earlier. i bought this silly little cat plushie (i love cats and plushies) and blobfish got this cool drawn pack of cards. there were these annoying ass preachers next to the market on about how homosexuality is a sin, and they had a small audience, but the audience was literally only there to listen to the this other guy near them mock them lol. i walked up to the preachers, shouted some profane things at them, got a good audience response, then we walked away. it was getting near when we were supposed to have the sushi dinner, so we started walking back, but that got COMPLETLEY sidetracked when i noticed there was a fucking CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY where we were walking. of course, we went in. the person at the front desk was extremely eager to greet us, and we got introduced to scientology. its still pretty confusing, and ofc i dont know all of it, but from what we heard, it basically seems to be just psychoanalysis rebranded, but you have to pay to learn, and its like solely centered around its founder, l ron hubbard (cuz its a cult lol). the church was not what i expected, the entrance and outer part was basically just a store for hubbard's books, and in the center was the actual church part, which just had a front presentation part and some chairs, along with a lot of hubbard quotes all along the wall. the lady who introduced us was pretty nice and calm, but then these 2 other people walked in who were veeeeery enthusiastic about all of this. we got a few free pamphlets which i havent yet read but certainly plan to, and then left. we wentr to go to the hotel, but somehow got lost on our way, so we took a bit to get back lol. we then all (me, blobfish, my mom) walked out to sushi dinner. dont have much to say about the place, it was nice, it had good service in every area, the food was very good, and even the dessert we got was good (which is very unusual for a japanese place lol). we returned to the hotel, then me and blobfish went out once again. the parade was just starting, but we had a good place. earlier, we had gone out east, but now we wanted to go out west to the suburb area to just get a well rounded idea of the whole place. we took the train out west, and began walking back. these suburbs were a lot better than the average us suburbs. the houses werent all the same nor were they all just single family, they didnt sprawl out too much and so were pretty close to the city outskirts, and there were some pretty churches too which we checked out. there was this whole street of school busses which were just parked, all with their drivers. it was an INSANE amount of school busses in one place, and they were all their cuz the parade blocked off their street. speaking of, the way we walked back to our hotel was the exact same route as the parade, so we basically experienced the whole parade while walking against it lol. it was a little much at points especially with the high number of people who came out to see it, but there weere a lot of drumming bands, a lot of floats, some cool lights, and overall just had a good atmosphere to it. my favorite part was this viking float that had shields with scandinavian flags, people dressed up as vikings on a viking boat, and they even had fake viking batttles on it. pretty fun stuff. we got back to the hotel, and didnt do anything else for the rest of the day, just watched back to the future 2 which was on tv. again, today was a pretty good day, i really liked just walking around and checking everything out, and tomorrow comes the main reason we came here in the first place.

6/2/23

today was my first day in portland where i will be for vacation for the next 2 (technically 3) days. already did packing for this in the previous days so i woke up and didnt need to really hurry that much or anything which is good. drove down to the city where there's an airport (cuz mine doesnt have one), stayed down there for like 2 hours, then picked up a random blobfish because hes coming with me on this trip, very cool! we got to the airport and there was like a whole new area that they must have just built, it was like an RNG-generated corridor it was funny lol. then all the expected ya know; we went to our gate, waited, boarded, plane was a direct flight which was good, and while on the flight we took out the raft safety pamphlet and tallyed up the race and hair color of all the people in it which was fun but idk why we did that lol. the plane landed early which was cool, and we got to our hotel pretty quickly. this hotel was so crazy man, omg. its not like the fanciest place ever but its pretty fancy, and like the first room you walk into just had a bunch of weird art pieces, kinda a weird layout, an interesting beige and brown and black and white color scheme, just an interesting place. then, there's a lower floor that has FREE PINBALL MACHINES (and free street fighter ii machine!!!), bathrooms, workout room, and some really fuckin weird rooms with nonsensical names like "quimby" that were pitch black, had no people in them, were small, and had strange artworks hung on the walls. no clue what that was about lol. we got to our room, which was standard but nice, and there was an old-style radio that was playing pretty loud classical music when we got in lol. we got our stuff settled, and then me and blobfish went out to just walk around for a bit and also find some food to eat. i was really enamored by the public transportation, its not on the level of something like chicago or nyc or europe of course but for the size of the city it certainly punched above its weight. walking around was nice, it was pretty, the buildings were cool, ofc there was random stuff on the sidewalks but every city has that. we got food at this authentic mexican place and i got this shrimp burrito that had pineapple inside which sounds weird but was honestly very good and i wish more places did this. then we walked back cuz it was getting late. im pretty suree i saw one guy doing cocaine but he wasnt bothering anyone so idrc. we got back and watched whatever shitty movie they had playing on the tv which was some stupid ass hacker movie where hackers like take down the us but then a group of government people, a cop, and a nerdy guy take them down. idk, it was dumb and stupid lol (idk the name of the movie). overall, pretty good day, excited for tomorrow.

5/24/23

uhhh its been a bit lol. a few days back i released a new video that has done much better than i expected (i think its like my 3rd or 4th most popular video now) so that was pretty cool! hopefully i will release my next video somewhat soon and it wont be as much of a wait as the last one was. also had some yummy food today and i have been playing a VERY hard geometry dash video but im actually doing good at it so that is very cool and i like that quite a bit

5/9/23

lol forgot about this again. yea i dont really have much to say, i had a big test recently that i think i did pretty well on, overall im doing pretty good but im just trying hard to find motivation to make videos again and its kinda difficult. just going through one of those rough spots for video making ya know, you always hit em. im hoping to change that around tomorrow though, so ill update yall on how that goes

4/30/23

dawg, sorry i forgot abotu this page yet again lol. in the past few days, ive recorded audio for the next video, and gotten started on said video. the audio turned out SO WELL its getting me excited for the end product already. it should be pretty funny. also, im even closer to having this thing where i post a edit of big floppa (dont ask) every day for the past year done, its gonna finish on may 2nd, im very excited about that! i also played a good bit of geometry dash since i last updated this thing, and not only did i beat a good few insane and hard demons, but i beat a new hardest level that ive been trying to beat since july!!! yay!!! also had some good pizza today and good spaghetti yesterday so yum yum food!

4/22/23

sorry i forgor  to do some journal for a bit lol ok so ive beaten a good amount of silly silly geometry dash levels because im a pro gaming. anyways so i dont have like anything to say lol olo lolo l.

4/17/23

sorry i missed yesterday. anyways, ive been thinking about something that ive thought about a few times before. its great that life has no meaning because if it did, it would make life so miserable. it coulde either be practically unattainable to almost everyone meaning everyone would know they wouldnt ever reach the meaning of life, it could be easy to reach and leave everyone aimless once attaining it, it doesnt necessarily follow human morals so it could involve awful actions such as killing other humans, and anyone who is not actively chasing the meaning of life could feel self hatred for themselves as they feel theyre not spending their life well. it truly would be unbelievably detrimental in order for human society to operate, and at least for me personaly, would make me feel like shit in one way or another. anyways those were my thoughts, i got my braces' wires replace today, doesnt really hurt at all. 2nd day is the worst but i think its gonna be better than my other teeth-related sores though. i had some sushi and that was good, and some cheesecake which was also tastee.

4/15/23

i got ahead on some work for school which is nice, and i got some other things done. i started out in a bad mood but it got better over the day. i seriously had one of the tensest situatiosn in my whole life - and no, i am not kidding - today. basically, i flushed the toilet, but the water just. kept. rising. first, it had almost filled the bowl. then, it filled the bowl, then it was 1/4th up the rim. at this piont i was frantically on my phone searching up how to stop such a thing. but then, when it was 3/4ths up the rim, it stopped, and just started going down. than god for that, cuz everyone's asleep, there are NOT the proper materials at that bathroom to clean such a mess up, and it would've been a pain in the ass. now, the water has gone back to its normal state. holy hell.

4/14/23

another one of those lazy and boring days, but at least i had a pretty good BLT for dinner. have someone coming over to my house for a few days that i dont really like and theyre gonna be really close to my room so that kinda sucks but what to do about that ya know. something ive thought about is how ok so i started writing the first part of that sentence like 2 hours ago and now ive completely forgotten it LOLOLOLOL

4/13/23

uhhhh hi lol. i honestly just forgot this existed for a hot second and then i remembered it existed but then i forgot to write entries before going to bed so i guess ill wriite some stuff here lol. about today specifically i have nothing interesting , but theres been a development the past few days. first, i found a shitty tf2 meme edit, BUT the important part is the beginning of the video had MY SHLANTED VIDEO called "this is how you look saying this shit" at the beginning of it, and someone recognized it in the comments!!! there was also someone who reuploaded the FULL VIDEO under the name of like "you like kissing boys", which i would be mad at, but in the comments they said they original found it on twitter and couldnt find the original creator, so like wow now this vid is out of my control like officially. anyways yea so that was cool also i had a really good barbacoa burrito today omg t hat shit was bussing and i had some churros dipped in liquid chocolate holy fuck man its like everything cool i talk about is FOOD RELATED LOL OOLO LOL ok bye guys

4/7/23

woke up late, did nothing. sadge

4/5/23

in actual terms of things that happened it wasnt that interesting, but i wanna make this more like an actual journal, so im gonna put some thoughts i had today here. ill start with the more thoughtful idea, and then move on to happy thoughts i had today.

for those of you that dont know, i am a libertarian communist, so ill rip that bandage off lol. so i was thinking about something today, which i do a lot of all the time, an this time it was safe spaces. specifically, i was thinking about this decently transphobic new york times article talking abotu schools where trans kids can come out to counsellors and their parents dont have to know theyre trans -- a police i support btw. the article specifically mentioned a trans kid who was given an emotional support rabbit, and it mentioned it in a mocking way, and, ya know, to me, this is laughable. seriously, who cares about whether  some kid has a rabbit they can pet sometimes if it makes them feel better. in fact, i for one wish that everyone who could benefit from petting a rabbit occasionally could pet a rabbit occasionally! but i thought about it, and i honestly think theres a connection to be made between safe spaces and the atomization of the individual that capitalism brings with it. although humans are, to an extent, inherently tribalistic, i believe that a significant reason for the competitiveness of modern society is because of the environment were in. i mean, afterall, the environment youre in is the main factor for why most things in the world are like they are. under capitalism, even though the proletariat should be collectively fighting the bourgeoisie to end the class conflict and establish socialism -- which is in their best interests -- instead, we see workers turning against each other if those workers believe that capitalism is the best system. for everyone, as much as you may like your coworkers personally, they are your enemies, as you must fight with them to get that promotion, to be given better treatment by your manager, to be less likely to be flippantly fired. this happens at schools too, as everyone is competing to do better than everyone else so they can get the better education after high school, and thus do better economically. this, then, actively harms empathy. we can see how capitalism can lead to bigotry as it has with chinese people in the late 1800's, as it has with jews in nazi germany, japanese in the 1980s, hispanics in the modern day, and muslims in modern day europe. while this is not the same phenomenon, i think the hatred against safe spaces is similar. if that other group over there is getting better treatment, then theyre winning, which thusly means were losing. liberals tend to hate safe spaces less than conservatives, but seemingly only if its "fair". if any in a college, for example, can go to a room with coloring and soft plushies and whatnot, then thats fair. but trans people, and specifically trans people, getting emotional support rabbits? well, thats not fair! we live in a meritocracy, so why is this allowed! now, am i saying that this is the exclusive driving force of hatred for safe spaces? absolutely not. im also not saying this is the concious reason for people hating them. this stuff is not active nor concious, its just how we are conditioned growing up in a capitalist world, and i dont blame anyone for it, especially when bullshit such as that spewed by the new york times in the afformentioned article is everywhere and pushed onto the populous. however, i think it is a core way of looking at the world which has some strong ties and affiliations to capitalism, and its just some thoughts i have which i wanted to share.

moooving on, i had a really, really special time with my boyfriend again today. if you dont wanan read stuff personal like this, then feel free to leave lol. anyways, it felt really good, and honestly, its some of the happiest ive been for a while. i was single for a good few months before dating again just a little under a month ago, and now, it truly feels like i have now what i used to have, like ive fully built it back up. im just really happy about this cuz love is something super important to me, its a lot of what keeps me going. anyways, thats all.

4/4/23

sorry that i havent added an entry for a few days lol its just been some slow days and ive had very little to say. idk i got my nails redone and thats nice because the nails were kinda goingg cray cray lol. anyways yea ive just been not to motivated to do much after coming home, not even gaming, but i think ill feel better tomorrow. ive been happy though, ive been having some lovely chats and calls with my boyfriend who is the center of my worlddd. sorry that this one got a bit more personal lol its just how it is 

4/1/23

today i enacted a truly legendary april fools prank upon my server, and boy was it fun. i reverted the server to be how it was like in early 2020, and it was very active, and it was complete chaos lol. i may make a video about it who knows

3/31/23

honestly not a lot to say sadly

3/29/23

man i just felt so burnt today i really did not wanna do antyhing, i dont know why too is the thing. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

3/28/23

i really did not do anyhing interesting today lol

3/26/23

and today officially marked the end of the daily upload week as i didnt upload anything today. proud of the videos i made, the reception was good, overall, g lad i did it! although i am NEVER doing that again lol. next time ill prolly just do like 3 videos. yea, that sounds good. anyways so i also kept recording somre moer stuff for videos which is nice and wow that is reaLLY something craZY that you love to see isnt it

3/25/23

released another among us parody and also recorded audio for upcoming video

3/24/23

lol not much hapepned today but i recorded two amogus parodies and released one of them today and is FIRE so im glad about that

3/22/23

yet another new vid

3/21/23

another new vid, but it performed good this time lol. yea so i just keep be working yeaH

3/20/23

my next video also came out!! performed like absolute shit thoughj LOOL but ill be able to make up for it real soon. oh y ea and worked for a lot for a video in the future just so i can get some work out of the way while i have time ya know

3/19/23

my video came out, and it feels good! though had a pretty short day so yea not much to say heeeere

3/18/23

and with the end of today, that finishes off the final day in a row of just pure editing. i have been going at this project for 5 months now, and finally, im almost completely done with it. it feels great man, honestly, it really does, and now i can relax a bit more this coming week (though ill still be mostly working on videos)

3/17/23

i also just be editing today but i forgot to mention yesterday that i had ONE OF DA BEST MEALS OF MY LIIIIFE it was some mexican street tacos and oh emm que they were so good it was crazo

3/16/23

just edited videos ngl lol

3/15/23

feeling sorto f weird both physically (less so) and mentally, idk, kinda out of it. writing this at 8;30 pm and i j ust had dinner recently so thats making me feel a bitter a little bitv better omg what was i saying lolol. anyways so yeah im doing a bit better now than i was a few hours ago but still weird day., anyways so this was t he last day of school before spring break so im now officially on break baby! feels good though im not in the break mindset yet so i still expect to be waking up tmrw and have to go 2 school lolol. idk it just doesnt feel like i deserve spring break yet since i feel like im not even halfway through the school year even though after spring break ill basically be in the home stretch

3/14/23

i really have little to say aside from the fact ive been thinking about this video all day long and YOU H AVE TO WTACH IT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD LOL
https://youtu.be/ENOKPZZ6hW4

actually, no, i have more to say. i finished watching this documentary about CRISPR gene editing technology, and i have some thoughts. i had already heard about this stuff before, but my mind has changed on it. before, i was apprehensive about gene editing, because, like many others, my mind instantly jumped to, "well, rich wil make their babies super smart and strong and tall and stuff, and it could be used to make SUPER SOLDIERS (!!!) and what about all the eugenics stuff?" however, this documentary brought up a few things. first, and most importantly, the sheer scale to which this could be applied to wipe out certain diseases and lessen the impact of others, is so vast, so amazing, that even if the aformentioned points were completely correct, i would still definitely support it. however, second, there's many problems with those points. the first point is the most apt, and the proliferation of CRISPR gene editing would lead to "designer babies" meant to be "better". however, something like intelligence is so vague and determined by environment that I find the existence of a 'intelligence' gene impossible, and other physical aspects, while helpful, not only have their limits, but are not that big of a deal to warrant holding back an entire technology for. the actual biggest problem with CRISPR is that it would exacerbate inequality. the rich would have access to rid of disease while the poor wouldnt. however, this is a fact of capitalism, and is already the truth in our modern day, and i already believe capitalism is well past ridding of, and a technology like this shouldnt be punished due to capitalism's shittiness. the point about eugenics seems convincing enough, but then again, if a group has already risen to power enough to forcefully carry out eugenics via CRISPR on a population, theyre also powerful enough to straight up kill mass groups of people, which is much easier and more effective. finally, the point about super soldiers is convincing at first, but with a little more thought, falls apart completely. even if we were able to pin down nebulous concepts like "fear", or if we were to make a soldier that couldnt feel pain, that would just lead to a soldier whod run into battlefield stupidly and kill themselves, or not know when to call for medical help and die of injuries. really, the only part of this CRISPR stuff that im hesitant on is whether we should allow editing of the germ line, which would mean that edited genes would pass on to future generations. on one hand, it would be a much more effective way to assure future generations dont inheret your diseases, but at the same time, when extended to stuff like height, hair color, skin tone etc., those are things that may be iffy to pass onto future generations without their consent. i am pretty damn tall, but i wish i wasnt, and i wouldnt want my descendants to feel the same way. but, on the other hand, if we dont edit the germ line, that still leaves open the possibility for young people to die of inheritable diseases if theyre unable to consent to the genetic removal of them. on top of that, there's an argument to be made that birthing someone is already without their consent, though that argument seems shaky at best. if something like height can be reversed with CRISPR, then sure, edit the germ line, cuz then your descendants can make that decision later. if qualities like that cant be changed, im more iffy on it, but at the same time, it would have many benefits, so itd be the utilitarian thing to go through with it. either way, yea, CRISPR, cool shit!

3/13/23

im on the CUSP of spring break and so school is pretty slow and its just like: bruh bruh bruh im just waitin here bein like yo? when this schoolio coolio thing gonna get on the mainframe to the pain game ya know? whats the dealio bealio? im sure ya knowl whhat i mean

3/12/23

spring forward got me f'ed up bruh! bruh br uh bruh! anyways so i did a good amount of work on video so yea i mean not much else happened so that was coolness

3/11/23

i stayed in bed waaay later than ai shoulve today and thats kinda disaapointing not le epic moment but getting some work done on videos rn so cool. also its been 3 years since covid was declared a health emergency by the WHO, which is kinda cray cray to think about. like damn, 3 years? really?

3/10/23

im finally into the weekend i was waiting for bruhhh lets go dababy epic moments

3/9/23

im no longer single :3

3/8/23

was international womens day today so i made a funny community post, but otherwise, bruh bruh bruh this was boring my bruh like all the days of this week my bruh anyways that tooth be hurtin less today though so theres that

3/7/23

yeseterday i got my braces tightened, and i dont know WHAT they were doing, but this one specific tooth on my top row of teeth reeeeeeeeeeeally hurts, even though all the others dont. nothing some advil cant fix! otherwise, yet another boring day where I just try and get as much editing on future videos done as I can, and at the very least, I think the edits i included in today's session were pretty funny

3/6/23

especially busy day today but i got  over it nicely i think i think i think yea so hopefully tomorrow is less cringe :troll:

3/5/23

i had to do stupid skiing which was stupid on this stupid day. even thoguh i did it for quite a while, i immediately forgot about it and gained just about nothing from it, even though i did many black diamonds and even my first double black (which i only fell once on).

3/3/23

finally the weekend bruh oh my lord i am SHOT today

3/2/23

although not much happened today either, it was, again, not as bad as yesterday! wesurprisingly got some snow today even thoguh im in death zone desert land of the US, but it was nice. excited to finally get to the weekend tomorrow after a long week.

3/1/23

expectedly another boring day, but not as bad as yesterday, and i got a suprising amount of work done on an upcoming video for how very little time i had, so thats pog! i am kinda uneasy this week as i have to go skiing sunday (which i hate), and ill have a loooong ass boring day on monday, but after that it should be alright, especially once i get to the next weekend

2/28/23

another boring day, thats what these entries will be for a bit. i did get quite a things scheduled and disputes resolved though so thats good! also final day of february. has been a good month, and im excited for what march may bring!

2/27/23

starting today and going through the weekdays of this week and next week i have to stay in school for hours more than usual every day. today was really boring and i expect that tomorrow will be too, but its something i gotta do.

2/24/23

my newest video, which is about the war in ukraine, released today and so far it has done really well! it's #1 out of my last 10 videos for views in the timeframe its been out, and i have no clue where it will go from here. if top 10 memes of 2022 was able to do really well despite a pretty standard performance at first, than maybe this one will do even better. it doesnt seem to have gotten the recommendations push yet, and if that goes well, then it could do even better. there were some glitches in the video that i really shouldve noticed before publishing, but that hasnt made people enjoy it less, and its kinda funny, plus i just added it in the corrections section of the description, so its aight. time to get baack to work on more content!

2/23/23

woah, look at that, there's two 23's in the date. how poggers! today is really just another boring day, but my next video is coming out tomorrow, and im excited for its release. it will be... of epic proportions

2/21/23

good day today but not much to say, i just be working on videos more

2/20/23

also not much to say for today EXCEPT for one thing... i found a video that i had completely forgotten about and was almost lost to the sands of time, but it resurfaced! it was the start of a terraria series i made in 2018

2/19/23

woke up kinda late and had to do some boringg things so i didnt get much done but hey i finished recording for an upcoming video so theres that at least. its kinda a weird one though so i dont know how ill make the rest of it but oh well i guess well see!

2/17/23

both yesterday and today been boring lol

2/15/23

forgot yesterday but you didngt miss much lol. for yesterday and today ive had to stay down in a place cuz of weather blocking roads, and its a little boring down here. i only have my laptop so i cant work on videos aside from scripting, which, while ive done that, still wish i could get more done. however, i have off from friday this week so after tonight i can get crackin again and enjoy a long weekend.

2/13/23

first day where i would have swimming normally but i didnt today, and it feels gooood. not much different, i got some more done on videos

2/12/23

i kept going back to bed after waking up, which i always hate myself for cuz it just means that i end up getting less done in the day, but oh well. aside from that, ive actually gotten quite a lot done! ive kept working on the script for that new vid i mentioned 2 days ago, and even though it's kind of a big endeavor, ive gotten a lot done, which is cool! should be relatively easy on the editing side, so i feel like im getting the brunt of the work done. as i write this, i still have a decent portion of the day left, which i will use to record for that video that i need to release in .like a month that i mentioned yesterday

2/11/23

another good dady. i did the LAST COMPETITIVE SWIM THING EVER by doing a swim meet and it feels GOOOOD to be done. like im actually free now. ive also got started on work for a video that i need to release in like a month or so, but it shoooouldnt take long to edit it so i think i can spend some time recording for this one. i dont rly feel like im burningg myself out  since making vidz is really mostly all i wanna do rn lol

2/10/23

good day today! swim eneded much earlier than i expected and i got a ton of stuff done, from changing stuff on old videos that needed to be changed, to finishing the next video completely (aside from rendering), to startin the script for a new vid, to adding a new section to THIS WEBSITE (vid of da week)

2/9/23

wish i got more done but wow was getting good songs for the video hard, but i did it!! the whole soundtrack for the next vid is done so thats cool. i should still be able to get everything else done for it by the end of tmrw so yea.

2/8/23

i had to do some stuff after school for a photography project and it was pretty fun. was looking for some ass car-based infrastructure and i got some damn good shots. we had swim practice today but it was a miniscule practice that i got done early, i had a BLT for dinner, i got the first draft of the script for my BIGGEST PROJECT YET(!!)!)!) done, and I FINISHED the editing for my next video (except for the music and checking for any errors) done, so hopefully i can be completely done tomorrow, and then get everything else finished on friday

2/7/23

boring day todayyyy there was swimming and it was BORING so yea

2/6/23

my mind be kinda empty this whole day LOL LOL LOL this ll prolly be a small journal entry soyea. one thing i gotta say is that i didnt have my normal goggles for swim today so they had to give me some spares, which functiokn wise were alright, but oh my god they were so brown its like everything looked like how mexico looks in movies it was crazy to be h. 

2/5/23

good day today, i ate some SPAGHETTI (MARIO HOTEL REFERENCE (LOTS OF SPAGHETTI!)) and like that was good but holy wow i ate quite a lot and it made me like SO FULL IT WAS INSANE anyways i got quite a lot of work done on the next vidaYO so that was kinda nice and gay yea thats all

2/4/23

had a swim meet which was basically most of my day so yea that was pretty boring i dont rly feel like talking about it much so yeah thats all

2/3/23

today was alright, didnt get as much as i wanted to but i stil got a good bit done so yea that was good and cool and good. i also sorted out quite a few upcoming scheduling stuff so thats a nice weight off my shoulder. had a burrito and that was pretty yummy yummy in my tummy, and by now the braces have little effect on what im eating which is NICE.

2/2/23

mfw when i forgor to do an entry yesterday :skull emoji: anyways, yesterday was kinda ass, i had no time to work on the video and i was super hungry most of the day, but the hunger wasnt too bad a probolme. no, the real problem is once i ate (spaghetti and metaballs, it was pretty good), my stomach began to hurt MORE. luckily when i woke up i felt fine but like bruh sound effect 2. today i should have more time though and hopefully that wont happen. also first entry in the month of february, splediferous!

1/31/23

time to catch yall up on the past few days! sunday i got quite a lot of work done on my next video, and progress is going much faster than expected, which is very good. now im scripting for a video thats gonna come out sometime in april or may because its gonna be a BIG one, so better safe than sorry so i should start on it now. yesterday was a pretty normal day, but despite being a monday, i got a surprising amount of video work done! im so close to the end of my swim season man, i just need to get past like 2 more weeks and 1 more meet and then im finally done with swimming. im writing this pretty early today so dont have much to say but i probably wont get much done with the video today, but it is what it is.

1/28/23

forgot to add an entry yesterday, but it is what it issss. didnt get as much as i hoped for done yesterday but it was still productive. yesterday i got the next video script done and made another draft after looking over it again. today i had a swim meet which went by decently quick, and i got the audio done for the next video. its almost 17 minutes in its unedited form and it was surprisingly hard to record, but the volume is consistent throughout and it came out good, so im fine with it having taken some extra time. had a BLT today WITHOUt (!!!)) having to take an Advil, and it hurt a bit but still, win! also, i got around to editing the world's sussest impostor parody, so im finally gonna get another among us parody out today. yippee!

1/26/23

got quite a lot done for my upcoming video, and it's turning out more concise than i expected, which is great for both time and quality's sakes. today was a little boring, buuut i did get a good bit done, AND i had pizza (with braces on wtf...) which didnt hurt that much, so my mouth is becoming normal again! tomorrow should be a great day, its a friday with SKOOL OFF?!? GUH!?!? thats always hype

1/25/23

today was the last day of the week where i had any swimming for a long period, so im glad im done with that! i got some more time to work on my upcoming video than i did yesterday, and i had some dumplings which didnt even hurt my  teeth at all! feeling pretty epicsauce as some people would put it

1/24/23

i forgor to add some entries for the past few days :skull emoji: anyways so yesterday i got my braces! it feels a little weird in my mouth but ehh, its not so bad, im really more worried about the list of things i cant eat. however, from what ive heard from other PoB's (people of braces) you can eat more than the orthodontists let on, so i  will probably do that. had some biscuits and spaghetti and meatballs today and that went well. granted, i also took two pills of advil earlier, but im already starting to feel more and more capable with eating stuff. its definitely MUCH better than the pain i felt after getting my wisdom teeth removed. anyways, ive also gotten the first big chunk of work done with my next video, which im very excited about. i think i have the hardest part out of the way now! it required a lot of research and now that research is down. also talked my parents into being able to go to sleep later so that is cool too! dont have swimming in 2 days, have off swim and school after that, and this week's swim meet is a very short one. seems like the week is shaping out to be pretty pogchamp!

1/21/23

had that aforementioned swim meet today and it was honestly better than i expected. i did get a good amount of stuff done today but it doesn't feel like i did. really not much more to say

1/19/23

i was planning to get a decent amount of work done on an upcoming video, but i got caught up with homework instead, and sadly wasn't able to do much work on the video. ill probably be able to do more tomorrow than i could today, but not much, and I have a swim meet on the 21st, so im not looking forward to that. a boring tomorrow and a boring Saturday morning, but hopefully the rest of saturday will be good!! my dinner tonight was not that special either so yeaaaa.

1/18/23

the file issues mentioned yesterday took longer to fix than expected, but now everything is working out fine so thats good at least. still kinda annoying though but whatever, not much you can do about that. next few days ill prolly work on videos the same amount i have been and itll be a boring few days but thats alright

1/17/23

yet another slow day. had a few file issues when trying to open the file for the next video im making. tomorrow i should have a good amount of time on my hands though and i think that the issue is pretty minor and fixable so hopefully ill get a good amount of that video done. well have to see!!!

1/16/23

oops, forgot about this thing's existence for the past week! i dont even really remember what ive done the past week but i think it was generally good. not much happened today though, feeling somewhat sick and thats made me feel really lazeeee, but thats just how it is sometimes ya know ya know

1/9/23

BORING DAY. i really have so little to comment on cuz like actaully legitimately legit actually NOTHING happened which kinda blew!

1/8/23

didnt do one of these yesterday. oops! it is what it isssss. more of a slow day cuz i released the DMV video. it seems that people liked it a lot, which is good! not much that i did, excited for the upcoming 3 day weekend. thanks MLK!

1/6/23

pretty slow day today. just getting around to scripting for videos. i had a pretty Bussin Burger though (BB)! the BB was pretty great, quite good i must concur. also got a new video idea that ill probably make in the end of the year that im prettyyyyyy excited about so yea! aint that just swell!

1/5/23

writing this entry at the end of the day for a change. i got everything for the next video done except the music, so that is EX-CITE-ING!! gonna be unable to edit for the next day and a half so im really gonna lean into working on scripting my big upcoming video (even more than i already have) and recording some audio if i can, because lol! lol! i have a good bit to record. also got my distillers removed today so i will be getting braces soon! pretty quick and painless so that was good. today was quite a good day.

1/4/23

also not much to say here. I barely go to work on the video i wanted to work on that i mentioned in the last entry, BUT i will be able to work on it a good bit today and i have gotten a LOT of scripting done for another video, which is very good and cool. also, A Random Blobfish FINALLY!!!E11 commented  on the funny meme video, so now my life is completeded.

1/3/23

not much to say for THIS ENTRY!!! i put down some more video ideas on my CRAZY content idea list, and im prolly gonna start work on scripting for another video today too. i hope to work on the next video of mine thats gonna come later today thta would be good.